just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
