Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize