In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
