Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
