You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
