You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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