woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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