how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
