He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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