btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
