All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
