You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
