I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
