Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
