Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
