How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
