What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
