This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
