i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
