we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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