Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
