I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
