I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
