**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize