BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize