I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
