zippers are such a cool invention
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
