That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
