Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
