I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
