the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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