She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
