At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
