U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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