also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
