dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
