Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize