Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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