So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
