I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
