Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
