so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
