Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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