yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
