It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's never too late to be topless.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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