come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
