Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize