Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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