Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
