she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
