Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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