you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
