your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
