you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
