I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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