im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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