Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
