turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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