This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
