the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
