at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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