i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
