What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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