I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
