Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
