we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
