Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
