Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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