BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
