I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He better not be in your backpack
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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