Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
