Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
