K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
