Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
